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Still Doing it: Women and Men over Sixty write about their sexuality  

Joani Blank, Editor, 2000 (Amazon price:$10.00)

Be forewarned that these erotic stories are extremely graphic, with take-no-prisoners descriptions of body parts, arousal techniques, connections, positions, and releases. The writers' sexual orientations are an assortment of straight, gay, and bisexual. Some are into bondage and discipline and sadomasochism. What makes these stories different from usual erotic literature is that age is a major player. Whether the writer is having sex after heart surgery, self-conscious about a wrinkly stomach hanging down, making love without an erection, experiencing leg cramps in certain positions, or worrying about the dentures ("What do I do with them when my lover's staying overnight?"), age is an unabashed participant in the sex act. Yet despite the challenges, most report that sex after 60 is the best they've ever had! - PB

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Books on Spirituality

The Road Less Traveled : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

by M. Scott Peck (Amazon price $6.29)

Hailed as one of the great spiritual books of the century, "The Road Less
Traveled" has already given more than two million grateful readers an inspirational framework for achieving profound personal growth and satisfaction.  Dr. Peck's crucial premise- that life is hard- is challenging for even the strongest among us, but his art lies in his ability to lead us to accept, and ultimately transcend, this idea.   Never before have psychological and spiritual guidance come together so powerfully. It's not the easiest road---but it is the only one worth taking. Let Dr. Peck's remarkable achievement help you find your way as you journey today, and every day of your life. - SP

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coverLiving Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness and the Essential Self
by Kabir Edmund Helminski (Amazon price $11.96)

It may seem strange to add a book written by an American Sufi to this midlife collection, but this is an exceptional, clear, and easy to read book on an important subject. An excellent book for someone seeking information about how to live as a fully present spiritual being in our world. The chapters are short, digestible chunks in clearly written language, and include excerpts from Rumi's extraordinary poetry, as well as Helminski's wisdom garnered from more than two decades of Sufi study, practice, and leadership. This book balances the practical and the beautiful, and shows the sacredness inherent in human life. Someone who is remembering his or her connection to God, or wants to know how to remember that remembrance, will find "Living Presence" both useful and a joy to read. I highly recommend this book for anyone, both absolute beginners and those further along the path! - SP

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coverSex, Love, and Marriage in the 21st Century:  The Next Sexual Revolution by Robert Francoeur, Martha Cornog and Timothy Perper,  1999. (Amazon price: $14.95)

This is a very interesting book. It is one of the places where I came to understand that midlife dating happens in a de-regulated atmosphere. It is a collection of personal stories by clergy persons, and other spiritually aware and committed people trying to connect their spirituality and their sexual needs. Every story is about some unorthodox exploration, some willing entry into the dark and pathless forest. There are no easy answers but many stories of honorable struggle. - PB

I would like to add a caveat to prospective readers of this book: the choices  of sexual freedom advocated by most of the contributors of this book would not work, in my opinion, for most marriages. A couple would have to exceptionally mature and loving to be able to live the lifestyles advocated here! - SP

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coverAll About Love: New Visions
by Bell Hooks (Amazon price $10.40)

In her own unique way, Hooks, a woman over 40, has written a fine and thoughtful book about the true meaning of love. She beautifully weaves her childhood search for that emotion with society's misuse (and dire
need) of it. "All About Love" takes apart the sentimental and often fleeting aspects of romance, stuck in the muddled urges of sex, and details the problems that arise from the confusion between the two. What Hooks does best is reveal that the true force of love lies in its spiritual, redemptive power, which can impact positively on humankind. - SP

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Enneagram Books

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 The Essential Enneagram: The Definitive Personality Test and Self-Discovery Guide by David Daniels and Virginia Price (Amazon Price $8.00)  

This smart little book was originally published as The Stanford Enneagram Discovery Inventory and Guide. It has a quick self test that you can also use to make guesses about your partners, work colleagues, friends and parents. It is extremely useful and it helps you answer on of the main questions people ask themselves about others: "Where is this person coming from?" I recommend it as a companion purchase with (and the way in to) Helen Palmer's book, The Enneagram in Love and Work. Read my comments there for why I think it is so useful. - PB

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The Enneagram in Love & Work: Understanding Your Intimate & Business Relationships

by Helen Palmer and David Daniels (Amazon price: $11.17)

This is one of the most useful tools I have in helping people to see their emotional and relationship habits. We all do much better in life when we know who were are. This book helps you see your own habits and it helps you understand others. My own training is in the tradition of Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud. Adler disagreed with Freud and said that the best way to understand another person is to understand what kind of relationship they are trying to create with you. The enneagram is better than anything else I know at helping you develop the best first guess about another person.

It's not astrology and it's not about mental disorders. It is about style. This ancient method, which seems to come from the Sufi tradition takes the spectrum of human behavior and divides it up into nine colors, nine types. People who have not gone through their midlife transformation tend to be stuck in one style. They tend to be rigid. The enneagram is a tool for recognizing rigidity in others and in yourself. Helen Palmer is clear, compassionate, and wise. The book is dense and useful. The promise on the cover, "Understanding your intimate and business relationships" is true. -PB

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The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types
by Don Richard Riso, Russ Hudson (Amazon price $14.36)

Here's my favorite of the enneagram books! Recommended by two highly credible authorities, consciousness explorer Ken Wilber and spiritual-growth guru Harville Hendrix, this compendium of Enneagram information was assembled by the cofounders of the Enneagram Institute as an introduction to the subject. Designed with a plenitude of charts, boxes, and quotes (by noted luminaries such as  Maya Angelou, and G.I. Gurjieff), this exceptionally easy-to-use, manual-size paperback teaches the reader how to figure out which of the nine types she is, identifies red flags to self-illusion, and provides practical suggestions for spiritual growth. Advice on how to observe your type's fixations and let go of the need to act out automatic and dysfunctional behavioral responses are down-to-earth and attainable. A distinctly accessible approach to cultivating daily happiness through understanding the complexity of fixations that weave together human personality types. - SP

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Other Books of Interest

coverOnce upon a Midlife : Classic Stories and Mythic Tales to Illuminate the
Middle Years

by Allan B., M.D. Chinen (Amazon price $11.16)

In order to better understand the crises of his middle-aged patients, Dr. Chinen's search led him to centuries-old stories from the oral tradition. These stories tell what happens in the "ever after", when the Prince goes bald and the Princesses has a midlife crisis. They portray middle-aged men and women facing the issues of midlife: the loss of ideals; gender differences; dealing with crisis; aging and mortality; and the desire for renewal. Listeners will find that many midlife crisis are universal and timeless and that their ultimate resolutions as described in these stories guide them through the peaks and valleys of midlife. - SP

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Books on Sex

Sex Over 50 

By Joel D. Block, Ph.D. with Susan Crain Bakos,  1999 (Amazon price: $11.20)

This book is a collection of techniques and encouragements, as well as facts and information. The information is presented in the excited tone of voice of mass circulation magazines, "hundreds of sizzling sex secrets to turn your deepest sexual desires into &uninhibited pleasures& and real passion&" This, the editors claim is an example of "direct, no-nonsense" talk. For my own taste, its like verbal MSG. However, I humbly acknowledge that we each have our own taste in erotic literature. Still, its a good survey and has lots of interesting ideas. -PB

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