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Mem ories of Things to Come:  

How souvenir memories reveal your heart’s desires and help you name and claim inspiring and deeply motivating life goals.

By Philip Belove, Ed.D.

(All rights reserved.)  

 “How the heart approaches what it yearns” – Paul Simon

(Learn how to work with your own souvenir memories. Learn to identify and understand your Soul's Messages to your ego for personal success. Learn to help others do this. Sign up for the next Souvenirs of the Future Teleclass with Dr. Belove at souvenirs@datingatmidlife.com)  

Who needs Life Goals?

I was thirty five and I had a dream. I dreamt I  made  a visit to Me. I was in my office in the advertising agency where I was an associate creative director. When I found Me,  I was standing on the ledge outside the window. The Me on the ledge looked at me in the room and laughed.

The Me said, “In there it’s only the thirty-sixth floor, but out here, it’s the whole world!” Then he leapt backwards into the air above the city.  I panicked and  the Me laughed because I was so easily scared. Then he flew up and away from the thirty-sixth floor window.

When I woke up I realized that I my life was too small for my soul.

A year later, I went to night school to become a psychologist. I was thirty six.

Early in my studies I read a book about midlife crises.  Joseph Campbell had a lovely metaphor for this idea. He says that sometimes people climb the ladder of success and, when they are forty, they realize it’s been leaned against the wrong wall.

When people get old enough and strong enough to be independent, they start thinking about what they really want in life. Also, they start thinking about being halfway to death.  If someone isn't doing what they really want to do, they start feeling like they are in a crisis.  

It was so for me.  In the week before the dream I was reading obituaries of advertising executives in the trade press. One said,  “He will be remembered for his Spottie Dog Food campaign.”  When I read that I wanted to change my life.  I just didn’t have a better idea.

Back then I didn't understand that Life Planning was a real activity. “Such a strange idea,” I thought, “you mean people actually plan their lives?”

I didn't know that people without plans are like boats without oars; they may pointed at a goal, but instead of moving toward it, they just drift. ”

The problem was I don’t know what to ask for.

 “Yes, you do.” said my teacher at school.  “You are the only one who does know. The trouble is, you only know it in a vague way and you need to know it in a clear way. “

But where was I going to find that clarity?  It was Midlife. I heard the clock ticking.  I wanted to know  the truest desires of my heart. Never mind what is expected of me. Never mind someone else’s loving wishes for me. Never mind someone else’s fears for me. Never mind my own fears for me. Just, please, what does my heart want?

One of the best methods I’ve ever found for specifying these truest goals with the kind of precision that a negotiation demands is the use of Souvenir memories. That is what I will describe in the following sections.

Souvenir Memories

“Souvenir” in French, means “to remember.”  “Souvenirs,”  in English, are little things that reminds us of  big things.  I have a white stone and a rubber frog  on my dresser. Why? Because they remind me of certain important people and places in my life.  They are souvenirs.

My souvenir memories, which my soul spontaneously selects and cherishes, reveals what my soul cherishes. They point to my most important values.  

The most important thing I did to work my way through my midlife crisis was to learn to pay attention to what my soul wanted for me.  One of the most profound tools I've found for hearing the lessons of my soul has been the use of souvenirs.

I use it on myself and I use it in my work with others, helping people think seriously and precisely about what they want.

I'm going to show you how I work with souvenir memories.

First, write down your own earliest two memories. 

(Remember, they have to be of specific one-time events.)

Finish this sentence:  When I think of my early childhood, I remember one time…” 

Then, finish this sentence:  “When I remember that first memory, I also remember one time ….

(If you are confused whether your memory really your own or just a story that your mother likes to tell about you, use this test: In real memories you can see what happened in your mind’s eye. You will have specific sensory memories, sights, sounds, emotions, and physical sensations.)

Next, find the sweet spot in each memory.

Go back to your first memories and underline the most vivid moments. There might be more than one. Flesh out those moments.  What did you notice most at those moments? These moments are the souvenirs.

For example, a man remembers a going with his parents to a very boring meeting but the shining moment is when he remembers studying the faces of the old people and being entertained, not by the meeting, but by the crowd. The man today is an illustrator. 

  After you’ve singled out the sweet spots,  notice the thoughts and feelings in each one. 

People who write movie scripts call these moments, “plot points.”  They are the moments when the hero has a realization that changes the course of the story. The sweet spots in your memories are important plot points in the story of your life.

 Notice also what you notice in the memory. 

What you notice will tell you about you talents. Musicians remember sounds. Sometimes doctors remember someone’s pain.

I know a professional scholar. His souvenir is of the first day of school and sunshine shining through the window on his books.

In my earliest recollection I was in the deep end of a swimming pool in water over my head. I was fascinated by the beauty and peculiarity of live seen from under the surface.  I am a psychologist.

What people notice in their memory is what their soul wants them to pay attention to.

What is the focus of consciousness in the two memories?

Notice your basic attitude.

Souvenirs are examples of your basic approach to the challenges of life. When I was in the swimming pool under water, my basic attitude was, "Isn't this an amazing experience!" 

I know one man whose souvenir is about experimenting with an electrical socket and getting a shock.  His reaction? "Ouch!  Cool!"  Today he is a director of technical and information services.   

When you look at your two memories, ask yourself,  "Are any conclusions being drawn? Is there a moral to the stories?"

Ask someone else what they notice.

I was working with one man and he said, “And that’s when I figured out that if I wanted any justice in the world, I’d have to fight for it.” 

When I heard him say this I asked him “Is this fighting for justice one of your highest values?”  He said, "Well, yes." But then he was surprised.

It was so obvious to him that he hadn't noticed it.

That's how these deep values work. They guide you whether you know them or not. They come from your soul and you have to reach a certain level of maturity before your ego can communicate with your soul.

Once you know what your soul wants, you can then make powerful commitments to those goals with confidence.

Ask yourself, "If this is what my Soul loves, what would I have to do with my life to make my Soul happy? 

A woman remembers making sculptures and selling them on the street to passers-by. One man wanted to buy several and she told him, “You only need one.”  She remembers thinking that each was a complete work in itself, therefore no need for more than one.  She remembers herself as an artist with profoundly, confident artistic judgment.  She cares deeply about how things look around her.  

Look at your own souvenirs. What do they tell you about where your soul wants you to be headed.

When you do this exercise, keep these things in mind:

The person who holds the memory is the final authority on what it means.

 I am so fascinated by how people solve the problems of being alive and on earth. You can see that from my memory of being underwater and fascinated by the view that when I'm working with people, I want to know how they do what they do. I want to know what their ideas are.  

I'm not like the cliché of the bad psychoanalyst who knows what the client really thinks better than the client does. Don't you be like that, either.

The principle here is to help the person with the souvenir discover why his, or her, soul has collected that souvenir.

Distinguish between pattern memories and souvenirs.

In pattern memories people talk about the kind of thing that happened regularly. “Every Sunday we had a family breakfast.” A souvenir, in contrast, is a memory of a specific event. "Then, once Sunday, I remember that ...."

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